So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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