Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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