K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
