All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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