i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
