What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
