Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
