The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
