Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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