i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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