I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
