I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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