What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ladies don't puke and tell
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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