I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
