Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
