so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
