Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
