I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
