she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
