mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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