She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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