The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
