its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
