He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
