where am i from again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
