Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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