The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
