you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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