...so i touched it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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