I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
