Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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