I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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