soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
