I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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