Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
