Got a toothbrush?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my shit smells like andre
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
