so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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