why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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