the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
