Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
