my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
