If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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