My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
tell me about the eggs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
