You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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