everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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