your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
