out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
