Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
