and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
