we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
