I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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