I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
