I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
