we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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