Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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