i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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