it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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