So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so let's talk penis.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
