We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
