i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
