I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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