Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
